This just in: he’s figured out where the laser comes from.
Girl, I remember when we was sittin’ on your couch…
Watchin’ Good Will Hunting, holdin’ hands and drinkin’ milkshakes!
But milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday…
Right after I bought you that really expensive… thing, from the Body Shop
Called Jojoba… Loofah… Milk, towel… or something like that
That I sold 147 Cutco knives to afford but whatever hey! It’s cool!
I’ve moved on, you know.
I’m happy now - well, happy in a crying sorta way
You know, curled up naked in the shower biting your knees wishing you were dead kinda happy but-!
I realized you were right, we were never meant to be…
And you know what? Thank God
'Cause you're the most vapid, whiny blah I've ever met
Always making fun of my clothes, telling me how hot other guys are, asking me to pay you gas money?!
Buy your own gas you bug-eyed mooch - it’s your car and it costs more than my house!
Oh and now you’re going around trying to sleep with my friends!?
Hey good, that really makes you an empowered individual - no wait, did I say empowered individual?
I meant two-cent gutter slut.
Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke-ass, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem-
I am proud to shop at Target, I’ll wear warm-up pants any day of the week!
Yes, your ass did look fat in those jeans, your mom’s a M.I.L.F.
And I plan to get on your little sister just as soon as I give her a call back, oh and you know what else?
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself. (you bitch, please die)
You can waste your life without my help. (you bitch, please die)
You can hang out with your friends, that is if you had any friends!
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself (‘til your eyes fall out)
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself - I hope your eyes fall out.
Why don’t you go watch it by yourself?!
Go to hell!
Does someone want to kidnap me so I don’t have to go to jury duty on Monday? I mean actually kidnap me, with like a van and guns and shit. They can’t make me go if I’m tied up in a van somewhere.